Jeepers CREEPERS

Pick-up lines...I'm so glad this is not a lost art. I have such fun examples of these. If you have any to add, please do!

Example #1 (The Awkward Reference)

"You remind me of my daughter." Not the best opening line. How am I supposed to respond to that?

"Awesome. You remind me of the creepiest guy ever."

(In true Jeff Foxworthy form...) IF you can honestly say that the 20-something girl that you are hitting on reminds you of your daughter.... YOU MIGHT BE A CREEPER!

Group of men at LuLu's---take note that you are no longer in college and there is no excuse for leaving your wedding band in your golf bag...not cool.

Example #2 (Pulling the God Card)

I had the privilege to spend this weekend at a bachelorette party. I love bachelorette parties. I am telling you what, stick a veil on one of your friends, and see what happens. People go crazy. They treat the bride like a celebrity (which she should be) and they treat her lucky little followers like prey, assuming that each girl who is clearly a bridesmaid or friend of the bride is so depressed and bitter that she is not the one getting married, that her inhibitions and standards have been considerably lowered.

I am so glad that people think that this is the case, because how else would I be able to blog about all the fantastic interventions I was privy to this past weekend. The first night we went to dinner and then went to a place called Live Bait (if you have been to Gulf Shores, you might have been here). Upon entering, a guy approached us, rather he pounced on the group almost in an "I saw them first" kind of way. Immediately, he bought us a round of drinks. Okay, this is not all that out of the ordinary for a bachelorette party. We tell him we went to Auburn University. "Oh!! I go to LSU!"~like that was suppose to be impressive. He said it in a way that sounded like he expected us to know all the same people, I guess because we go to SEC schools? So we played the name game (one-sided). He asked if I knew some girl he knew in high school who had decided to come to Auburn (only 24,000 people go to Auburn and NO, I do not know your needle that could be found in the proverbial haystack of Auburn University).

But, just for fun, I said "Oh yeah! I know her!" Haha awesome. He described her as "one of those good Christian girls," which actually we happen to have quite a few of at Auburn.

"We tend to hang out with those kind of girls," which was not only true, but was the only thing I could think to say. Apparently he found that to be his way into our group, because not only did he talk repeatedly to me about his personal spirituality (while he was very drunk) but also to everyone in our group. First he told us that he had just graduated from college and now he was exploring whether or not he wanted to go into the ministry. He told me and the rest of our group that he was "pure" (too much info., pretty sure I didn't ask) and that dancing was his outlet.

What on Earth is THAT supposed to mean? What the heck? Needless to say the avoiding process started with dancer dude. As if this couldn't get any better, he made an appearance the second night, and told us he couldn't remember what he said the night before (bad start bud, on round 2 no less), but that he was actually a senior at LSU and that he became a youth minister at 19, and took a group of 20-30 high schoolers on a mission trip...righhhhht, those parents were trusting with a 19-year-old supposed youth minister.

You were funny dancer dude. You made several of us very uncomfortable with your dancing near us because we wouldn't let you dance with us. Notice the difference.

Example #3 (The Surprise Attack)

On this same trip, I was standing at the Florabama, a place which needs no other explaining except that it is a melting pot of mullet haircuts, crop tops, tight pants, rebel flags, and the occasional college-y group that has come for the experience alone. We were one such group. I was standing talking to one of the other members of the bachelorette party, when out of no where I hear, "I'm Brian." Whoa...little close. Not to mention he didn't approach from the front but instead snuck up beside me where I was not prepared for this interaction...definition: creeper. I was so caught off guard I could not think of what to say. This awkward little interaction lasted for about 3 minutes and included him asking me questions in rapid succession before I could possibly answer him, "Where are you from? Where do you go to school? Do you like the football team? What are you majoring in? What are you going to do with it? Why are you here?" I wanted to say "No. Why are you here?" When I was rescued by a friend who saw me struggling. Thank you again!

Example #4 (Please Pity Me Approach)

This may be my favorite of the Florabama experience. Sometimes you can receive a pick-up line out of the clear blue just by walking by. A couple of my friends were walking by this one guy and for no particular reason he blurted out "My boat sank today."

I was so happy I walked up on this conversation. This poor fellow and his friend seemed so sad, but I very highly doubt that his story was true. The more he talked the worse it got. Apparently this is the story...

He and his friend sank a deep sea fishing boat in the bay that afternoon. For some unknown reason, the boat began to take on water. He looked back from the tower and the motors were thoroughly under water. As the boat was going down, the hero in the boat, in true 007 fashion would hold his breath and dive underneath the water's surface and go through the water filled cabin and collect their belongings. According to him, he was breathing only gasoline-filled air while doing this. Riddle me this wonder boy... How do you breathe under water?

As tempting as it was to ask him this, I let him continue which was much more entertaining. He told us that they did manage to save the cooler of beer which was floating in the water after the boat sank. Thank goodness, I was almost worried. I asked if they got the boat out of the water already or if they just left it there. He says that as soon as he saw the motors underwater, he gunned it (doesn't seem like motors underwater would "gun" very easily, does it?) and rammed the boat up on land next to a dock. When the boat continued to sink, he simply stepped off of the tower onto the dock.

"So when was all of this swimming, and underwater breathing going on?" I ask. "I'm divorced," was his response.

"Okay....." Not the best approach but he does however get 10 points for creativity.


If you have fun pick-up lines or stories about them, please post them in comments!